Kiddo

My daughter informed me that the school hamster died but she doesn’t mind because he was “self-centered & full of himself.”

There’s only one bad word in my house.

I allow my daughter to say anything - shit, fuck, godammit, as long as she knows not to say those things at school.

But there’s one word I forbid:

bored.

.
I tell her that in the land of magic folk, there’s no such thing as bored, and if you hear someone saying that, it’s a sign that they are ordinary.

Therefore, since she is a fairy and I’m a witch, we don’t know this “bored” concept. We feel bad for people who say they’re bored. If we hear someone utter such a banal thing, kid or grownup, we exchange knowing looks.

We are EXTRAORDINARY. We are NEVER BORED.

Today I was trying to reach something up high and my 9 yr old daughter said, “Why don’t you get Beast to get that for you?”

I said, “He’s out of town right now.”

She replied, “OH, so you can’t play sex with him? That’s too bad!”

It reminded me of the time she commented happily regarding my sex toys, “I’m so glad grownups get toys, too!”

I like that she has such a healthy attitude towards sex and takes comfort in knowing that grownups play and have toys.

“I have three goals for growing up - to be Sexy, Sassy, and Strong.”

- my daughter.

I asked her, “What about smart?” She replied matter-of-factly, “I’m already smart.”

“When I’m with you, I feel like I can be myself and am ready to face the world.”

- my daughter, to me

My daughter told me she read a book and it said humans were the smartest animal. She said that was WRONG, dolphins are the smartest animal.

I asked how she figured that and she replied matter-of-factly, “Dolphins have their own language, they don’t pollute, and they don’t shoot guns.”

“I’ll bet the person who wrote that is a drugoholic.”

- my daughter, about some religious crap she read

I got my daughter the 25th Anniversary Edition of the Faeries book.

I can’t wait to give it to her tonight!

And I can’t wait to read it with her.

I inscribed it the same way my mom inscribed the gnome book she got me when I was a kid.

I love living with a magical creature.

I hope we live happily ever after…

Our piggo was featured on a cute n tiny website!

We like living with a celebrity.

He was nice enough to autograph my daughter’s guinea pig book:

I’m divorced and have my daughter about half the time. She is 9. She has her own bedroom. She’s not afraid of the dark, does not have any trouble sleeping, doesn’t have nightmares.

Any night we are together, she opts to sleep with me, and I am totally ok with that.

I wonder when she’ll finally want to sleep on her own.

Is this weird? My cats like sleeping with me as well. I think anyone who is married tends to agree that it’s nice to share a bed with someone. Do you prefer sleeping alone? Do you force your kid to sleep alone?

I bought this weird little old knitted man at a trinket shop for a dime.

The moment my daughter saw him, she said, “That’s Greg!”

It was as if she knew him before. She loves him.

Right now he’s hanging out in our aloe plant.

I love his little eyebrows and belt buckle.

Walked in on yet another artistic statement by my daughter - sock snowman getting fresh with sock monkey!

Walked into my kitchen to discover this artistic statement by my daughter

We hosted a tea party for our guinea pig and his friend Admiral Stripe.

My daughter and I have been enjoying the following books:

- When You Reach Me - AMAZING book for 4-6 graders, very cryptic and mysterious, the ending gave us goosebumps! (bookbagpocketshoe!)

- Gnomes 30th Anniversary Edition - My daughter discovered the copy I got for my birthday when I was a kid. At first she made me read her the cursive parts, but now she can read them herself!

- Jennifer, Hecate, Macbeth, William McKinley, and Me, Elizabeth- perfect for us, as we love make believe and witchcraft!

-The Egypt Game - the one we are reading now, another great mystery starring kids with huge imaginations

- Every fairy, dragon, ghost, and mythical creature book we can get our hands on!

My daughter and I were taking a walk when she discovered that the rose bush in our yard had a few late blooms on it.

“Mommy!” she exclaimed in amazement, “Why is this rose bush blooming in November? Tell me an answer!” She added graciously, “You can make it up if you need to.”

“Well,” I explained, “A lot of people love spring and think it’s a time of birth and beauty because of all the babies being born, birds singing, and flowers blooming. Pretty things are everywhere, it’s very obvious.

A lot of people dread the fall because they associate it with death and ugliness. All the leaves fall off the trees, it gets colder, and birds fly south for the winter.

Some people wouldn’t even notice these roses, but you have an eye for beauty - you are very good at seeing it in so many things. And this rosebush knows that about you, and this is its gift to you - it’s letting you know that even though everything is grey and brown and withering, there is still plenty of beauty to be had, and much more beauty to come - you just have to pay attention.”

She liked that answer just fine.

My daughter did a great job on her first big school project - here is the Atlantic Ocean in a box. We used one of my fishnet stocking for fishing net. Click on image to view full size.

Happy Halloween, Dog Style. Click on image to view full size.

“I don’t get why they call these small candy bars fun size. Fun size would be the size of your bed.”

- my daughter

One of the ways my daughter and I spend quality time together is with Netdisaster.

Netdisaster is a fun way to attack the internet. You can make Martha Stewart moldy. Or let aliens attack Rush Limbaugh. Or give Mel Gibson ants in his pants. Or take a chainsaw to Sarah Palin. Or cream pie annoying celebrities.

There are over 25 disasters to choose from, some have sound effects, some you can control or let go on auto-pilot.

My daughter’s latest disaster involved Hannah Montana and dog poop.

You can download it for free here.