I was in China for a week.

It was a purely platonic trip - all day long I met with people, toured, shopped, explored WuJiang, Shanghai, Guanzhou, Hong Kong. I wrote a Rated G essay about my trip and shared it with my friends and family - they loved it!

Chinese New Year just happened and there were so many colorful displays

Hong Kong was sooo romantic

This sign was funny!

But I was so horny!

So every night, when I retired to my hotel room solo, I would find ways to safely explore my sexuality.

I took sexy pics to send to my lovers.

I showered in the awesome see-through shower:

I took pics of my new gold silk nightie and robe:

Here is a better shot of just the nightie:

I took pics of my new pearl necklace:

Here is a better shot:

I web cammed with my partner at 3am. I watched him jerk off and cum on web cam for the first time. Even though he had two dates with beautiful women while I was gone, he still missed me so much!

I masturbated every morning and night, using lube and my fingers. The release felt sooo good and was a nice change from my usual Hitachi Magic Wand habit.

I thought up nasty fantasies and shared them with my partner...

I'm going to go lie on the bed now, lube up my fingers, pretend you are coming to me in the dark, standing over me, staring up me hungrily, wanting to possess me. Finally you get your dick out and start playing with it as you watch me, you're just gonna jerk off, but no, you can't help yourself. You reach out and touch me ever so gently. I stir slightly, and it sets a fire in you, you grow bolder and want to possess this little innocent prey animal. You play a game with yourself and see how close you can get your hard dick to my face, it's barely touching my cheek, finally you rub the swollen cock head against my face, it's straining, it's made contact, it's so hot, full of energy and danger. You rub it back on forth against my cheek, it's torture for you, finally you turn my head slightly, mouth is parted, you slide your cock into my mouth. My eyes fly open, wide and afraid, but as soon as I realize what is going on, I relax and close my eyes, accept this situation, the fact that I have a cock in my mouth, it's so hard and smooth and delicious. It fits so nicely, fills my skull. You put your hands on my face and jaw and work your cock slowly in and out of my mouth, you're on the verge of bursting, you can't believe you're doing this but fuck it, too late now, gotta finish and get this demon out. You pick up the pace and urgently fuck my face, your cock is fierce but your hands on me are as gentle as you can manage to cradle my jaw to keep my mouth right where you want it, I can hardly breathe, I'm choking, but still trying not to make a sound, it's just for a moment, your demons explode in my mouth, course back in my throat, flood my soul. I have tears in my eyes. You shudder, immediately withdraw, and retreat. Left alone, I gulp in disbelief. What just happened?

and this one...

I have this new odd twist fantasy going on - it involves Steffy. In it, you are an intelligent animal, you don't speak at all, you're not a thuggish beast but are like a dog/bear/lion/person?? I am teaching you how to fuck and be with a woman, because I want you to breed, and I'm using Steffy as the model. She is happy and willing for you to explore her. She is smiling and helpful. I show you how to touch her, suck her breasts. I show you her pussy, she spreads her legs helpfully, she's lying back on the bed. I ask her to play with herself as I fondle your dick, I suck it to get it hard but of course it's already super revved up and ready to go....where? I position Steffy how I want her, we try various positions in the fantasy but for this scenario she is bent over the end of the bed, presenting her ass and pussy to you. It's like she and I are experimenting with a really sweet, inquisitive dog. Your cock is engorged with blood, it's pulsing, it wants to go somewhere. I guide it to her pussy, rub it up and down and around, tease you both, finally I get it to her velvety tight entrance and push you into her, I instruct you to move back and forth, we are all so willing and it's working so well, I take your hand and put it on her hip so you can grasp her, you're a natural, we're going to milk you, you don't say any words but you groan and growl with lust and pleasure. Your orgasm cums so naturally and it's so amazing, you push all the way inside her as deep as you can and just explode, gripping her hips hard, your awesome animal cock unleashing all this intensity. Yes, we are so proud of you! You did what we wanted and now we all cuddle on the bed. We're gonna keep you around!

And now, it's so good to be home. I'm loving The Year of the Dragon so far...

This was an image I used on my blog four years ago

Last year I was sued, was out of work, and was about to lose my house. Fast forward three months.

For the second time in my life, I'm getting a free trip to China. I leave tomorrow and will be gone until Feb. 7.

The last time I went was about four years ago. In that post I wrote:

"So I'm going to be in China for two weeks. How the fuck this happened is anyone's guess. I can't wait to be a goddess over there - I hear they'll dig my long blond hair. (Guess I'll shave it when I get back? I haven't decided.)"

HA! It took me two more years to muster the courage to shave my head, but I did it!

I'll be mostly in the Shanghai area. I hear it's one of the most vertical cities in the world, not just up, but down. You could live underground there and never see the light of day. Everything is so amplified there. 20 million people live in the city of Shanghai. (For comparison, 34 million live in the entire state of California.) I could stand some culture shock, and I always like experiencing new things.

Excerpt of a letter from my host in China:

"Welcome to China. Suzhou is one of the beautiful city in China, Suzhou Gardens are the best famous, there are some ancient towns in Suzhou, such as ZHOUZHUANG Town, TONGLI Town. Suzhou is worth to visit city, but there is a litter cold in February, please keep warm."

Can you imagine if I tried writing him back in Chinese? Can you say LOL in Chinese??

So here's the deal: You all know I drink, fuck, tweet and post updates on facebook like there's no tomorrow. I'm also a slave to this website (slave is an appropriate term because I DON'T GET PAID.) I'm also addicted to my smart - no, wait - trickphone.

Well, for one week, I'm going to eschew all these things. I shall throw off the shackles of familiarity (no Hitachi Magic Wand!) and embark on a new routine (helllo, hand).

People, those are a lot of addictions to address. This is going to be so good for me.

If you need to get in touch, I'll be checking email: kendra @thebeautifulkind.com

I'm going to miss my people! Matthew and I soaked each other up this weekend and I'm seeing my daughter one last time before I take the 14 hour flight halfway around the world.

I've been studying up on China in preparation for the trip. One of the books I'm reading is The Man Who Loved China: The Fantastic Story of the Eccentric Scientist Who Unlocked the Mysteries of the Middle Kingdom.

I thought it would be a pretty dry read, but I have a thing for quirky scientists who get obsessed with things. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that the main character, Joseph Needham, was an enthusiastic nudist and practiced non-monogamy.

He married his wife Dorothy on Friday the 13th, 1924, and they had an open, international marriage that lasted 63 years. Interestingly, when Dorothy died in 1987, he married his long-time (as in 50 years) mistress, Lu Gwei-Djen. But she wasn't really a mistress, because they all hung out together, traveling and doing research. Sigh, sounds so romantic!

One thing I won't be giving up while I'm there is good food. I can't wait to eat real Chinese food, meet new people, stay in nice hotels and have my mind blown!

Remember this video I did last month where I showed off the dress from Sin City Playwear I was supposed to wear to my Hustler magazine party?

Yes, this one:

It's "one size fits most", but it looks like a shirt, doesn't it? Or maybe a onesie for a baby?

I decided it would be sexier if I wore a bandage on my thumb, so I enlisted a friend who could pull this scrap of a dress off.

Meet Ashley:

I figured if she strutted around the party wearing the dress, it would take the pressure off me.

I am so smart.

My very talented friend (the same one who sings the TBK theme song!) gave me a classier (read: age-approrpiate) dress to wear, and did my hair and makeup until I looked like Annette Bening. See? She's good!

We set up camp at the Hustler store on Natural Bridge Road. 

I did not feel like the same woman who was featured in Hustler magazine, and I did not resemble her, either. I traded in the hippie hair for something more sophisticated.

Here is a censored version of one of the pics in the article:

Here's what the censored version looks like when you ask a smartass like Cap'n Marrrrk to touch it up:

The blue-bearded bastard gave me a merkin with his mug on it!

Hustler store = amazing hosts! They offered a glorious array of sexy products, and everyone got 20% off their purchase. In addition, they had three bags of awesome toys to give away to attendees that contained awesome toys such as glass dildos and a spiderweb restraint system. They also put out a fruit and cheese tray next to a fanned display of the magazine. Photographer Connie LaFlam brought along her own entourage.

I didn't want to autograph anything - that makes me feel really weird - but if someone asked, I did it, and I did it in all-block letters across my artificially hairless armpits so it looked like a 3rd grader signed it.

About 30? 40? 50? people showed up to the party throughout the evening. Some were good friends, some were from the SEX+STL community, and some were NEW BLOOD! YESSS!!!

David Wraith took pics for us, bless his soul. Here's the one he took of Ashley and me:

Here's a pic of Ashley rockin' the dress:

I begged David to get a closeup, and he obliged:

Don't you want to bounce quarters off it?!

Men swarmed her so bad it was funny/stupid - she could have collected dicks like a headhunter that night. She was like mama duck and they trailed behind her like darling drooling ducklings. She had to tape the dress to her thighs, because with every step it wiggled up her hips as if coaxed by the ghost of a pervert.

She wore six-inch cobalt heels and had only her amazing mane of curls to keep herself warm. She giddily confided in me that she felt like a "slutty Cinderella" and would definitely wear the dress again - with jeans next time.

I autographed a woman's breast - a first for me - and had to resist the urge to sign HER name instead of mine.

People treated me like a celebrity, which was surreal. They looked at me funny, as if they were trying to figure out if I was a powerful sex symbol, or merely ordinary. My dad ran around telling people who he was - he always gets a kick out of that. I'm so fortunate to have a family that's proud of what I do.

This one guy who spied on me peeing at a party (why he felt the need to spy on me when there were 50 naked people downstairs is beyond me) lurked behind a display of dildos for a while until he finally saw that I was somewhat alone. He took that moment to approach me, which made me feel cornered and uncomfortable. He asked me when the next party was, but before I could say, "You're not invited," my partner Matthew came up to us, which caused the creeper to scurry away. No doubt he thought he was going to get bounced.

Lots of dear friends were there, including SEX+STL co-founder Anna, and David Wraith's girlfriend Elaine, who GIFTED ME WITH THIS PAINTING she did of me:

Two of my latest crushes, Shine and Dan were there, as well as Chad and Steffy, aka Rockabilly Couple!

Doesn't this pic look like we're having a baby together?!

God it was an amazing whirlwind night!

After we wrapped it up there, we went to a friend's house for an afterparty, where we got nice and drunk.

Then Matthew and I went home and fucked passionately and passed out.

In the morning, we fucked three more times - in the bed, shower, etc. I felt like our sex life was a chapter book! One where we live happily ever after...

And you know what? Two parties, 50 friends, one creeper, a bout of mini-porn-mag-celebrity, a bottle of wine, five hours of sleep and four fucks later, I managed to get to work 15 minutes early.

Now THAT'S Responsible Hedonism, people.
 

We have so much fun together!

Have you seen this podcast of my dream girl Steffy and me?

I call her my dream girl because every time I dream about something, she makes it come true!

Let me give you an example.

The other night she came over for a sweet and dirty little threesome with Matthew and me. We started out with some cocktails and conversation.

Then, we retired to the bedroom, which was bathed in a reddish, golden glow from the mood lighting decorating the walls.

I lounged on the bed as they stood before me. Steffy undergoes the most amazing transformation every time she stands next to big, hulking Matthew - she shrinks! She looks like a little girl, and she gets all giggly, too. She was wearing an adorable fuzzy pink vintage sweater, which made her appear even more feminine.

He circled her like a lion courting a lionness, the way a predator romances his prey, loving, respectful... and with great intent. He tilted her chin up, exposing her neck for him to nuzzle...

Overcome with excitement, I hopped up and wriggled between them and whispered, "I want a Butterfly Threesome."

"What is that?" they asked.

"I want Matthew to be the body, and for us to be the wings on either side of him, and for him to go back and forth between us, until he finally cums inside Steffy."

Since we're fluid bonded, this kind of rare scenario was a possibilty for us. I honestly get more excited watching my loved ones fuck than I do being right in the middle of all the action - I'm such a voyeur!

It's important to be relaxed and giving during a threesome. If you ever feel like you're not getting your share, don't worry - you can make up for it later.

We shed our clothes and prepared for our tripling. I lay on top of her and we made out, sighing into each other's mouths. Our pussies were stacked and inviting. He got down low and ate her pussy at length, really worked it over until she bloomed. Mine quivered in anticipation and finally rejoiced at the tickle of his beard and warm, wet mouth. He growled and licked as she stroked and held.

He came up for air. I could feel him looming and rooting around behind me, preparing to fuck something. I couldn't see him, but I knew he was raging hard. He always gets that way when he hits the lovely ladies jackpot. I wondered where his cock would plunge.

It found its home deep inside Steffy's tight pussy.

He pretty much fucked her like a lion, too. Have you ever seen lions mating? Primal, roaring, gripping... now imagine me squished between them.

Look for more photos of Steffy & me in the Photos section

She was cooing and gasping as he thrust into her and filled her up, so I clamped my hand over her mouth to keep her quiet, which made her squirm even more.

I involuntarily ground my aching crotch into her hip as if I were the one getting fucked. I was grooving off their sexual energy, it flowed through all of us.

It didn't take him long to explode inside her. He totally jungle fucked her.

He pushed my top half out of the way so he could collapse into her, kissing her deeply.

Afterward we all examined her cream pie pussy with great curiosity and delight.

"She clamps it in there," he observed. Not me, my pussy spits it right out. "She wants to get pregnant," he leered.

She laughed. "Good thing you're seedless!"

I gently poked at her swollen, creamy laced lips and marveled at what just transpired. Another dream cum true...

Then he positioned me so I was lying on my back. He pinned my top half down and worshiped my breasts while she expertly tended to me below.

I LOVE HOW SHE LICKS ME.

Such a tiny tongue, it didn't take long for me to tremble with orgasmic relief.

Afterglow.

They got up and dressed, but I curled up in the warm, rumpled bed.

"Hey, we didn't get to do the Butterfly Threesome!" I said with a start.

"Yeah I guess that was more like The Grasshopper," he admitted.

"I was like a little leaf stuck between you!" I laughed.

He promised we would work on more positions next time, which suited us all just fine.

He drove her home and I passed out right where they left me.

After he dropped her off he texted me: "My beard smells A-Fucking Mazing!"

But I didn't read it until the morning.

(See more pics of Steffy and me from this photoshoot by Stan Strembicki here!)

The first page of the Hustler article. Photo by Connie LaFlam

I received this thoughtful letter the other day:

"Dear Kendra,

I just read your story that was in the latest Hustler.
 
We probably are in agreement 100% on most topics.
 
I personally feel that people are too uptight about sex and nudity in general and that if public nudity was allowed- everybody would worry a lot more about their health and appearance. Nudity would be the 'norm' instead of something 'dirty'.
 
My personal opinion about sex-- 'So what?' if you are not hurting anyone with your actions and everyone involved is consenting....have fun!
 
I don't know how to ask this without it sounding mean and I don't want it to come off that way.
 
My questions are these: I'm wondering what you think about your actions having such a negative affect on your daughter?
 
How are you handling this with her?
 
What do you tell her?
 
I'm just wondering, no offense intended.

Sincerely,

Cave Man"

Here is what I wrote back:

Dear Cave,

Thanks so much for thinking about my story and dropping me a line. I'm glad to hear we agree that sex and nudity are natural and nothing to be ashamed of. That is exactly what I am teaching my daughter.

She is learning about sexuality and nudity in a sex-positive, age appropriate manner. Therefore, she has a healthier attitude about sex at age 11 than the average American adult. She knows I am a sex-positive activist and supports my mission. She knows about my website, but she does not read it. She is not yet interested in sex.

It is my goal that by the time she is a legal adult, she can talk about her sexuality openly and honestly, without having to hide behind an alias like I did for many years. I'm proud to say I have taken many lumps, but it was worth it, because I can talk about sex and put my real name and face to it. It's very liberating being able to be myself with my daughter, parents, family and partner. I want everyone to enjoy that level of freedom!

I think the U.S. is making great progress; I look forward to seeing how the sex-positive movement continues to unfold.

Sincerely,
Kendra Holliday

Then he wrote me back with:

"You're such a smart lady! My wife and I support your efforts!"

which made me really happy.

March 2012 issue

In case you haven't heard, I'm featured in the current Hustler magazine. Here is what the cover looks like (refreshing that the woman is brunette, no?)

It's weird how photoshopped the women are - my friend thought the cover model looked like a cartoon.

They even airbrush their buttholes until they resemble slight dimples. If men are so obsessed with anal sex and sticking their penis into assholes, then why would you erase them?!

But back to me.

Matt, the guy who wrote the article, interviewed me over the phone back in the spring. He recorded our conversation and turned it into a 2+ page article featuring my story, with an underlying theme of sexual freedom and civil rights.

Connie LaFlam took the pics!

It's weird seeing myself in the magazine. They photoshopped the hell out of me in an attempt to make me look more mainstream aesthetically (they digitally shaved my underarms!), but I still look different from the models featured throughout the magazine. I'm 20 years older than most of them!

Connie LaFlam took the pics - we had a great photoshoot in her penthouse loft last year. I was in a grumpy mood that day, but she made me look amazing!

Hustler was going to run a fisting photo series I did with Rockabilly Girl (they even made her sign a model release and provide photo ID proving her fist was at least 18 years of age), but they changed their mind.

Some of the things I'm quoted saying made me laugh out loud, "I said that?" I realize sheepishly.

I wonder what people will think when they read it. Will they feel connected to me, or alienated? I've received one thoughtful letter so far, which I will share with you soon.

On Wednesday January 18 from 6-9pm I'll be celebrating with the Sex Positive St. Louis crowd at the Hustler Hollywood store on Natural Bridge Road. You can buy a magazine and mingle with awesome people. They're also offering discounts that night for anyone who mentions The Beautiful Kind or Sex Positive St. Louis.

This is a great opportunity to meet me and the other local leaders. Don't forget we need to meet people face-to-face before they can attend our private SEX+STL events such as the clothing optional parties. We're also going to start offering edgy sex ed classes on masturbation, female ejaculation, oral sex and more.

Wanna see what we accomplished in 2011? David Wraith put together this amazing review. I can't wait to see how we grow in 2012!

TBK Jewelry!

If I could redesign this website, I would feature content in the following order:

Video podcasts - so proud of this new addition to the website!

My personal blogs - A classic favorite, I always have something personal to share!

YouTube vlogs - silly and fun!

Articles, reviews, sex information - the most useful stuff

While I'm on the topic of my dream website, I would also have much higher traffic and be making $2000/month from the website.

I'm glad I finally jumped on the vlogging bandwagon in 2011, because it really is a good option for sharing information and ideas.

And wow there is such a wide range of vloggers - some don't give a shit what their background looks like, and some do an amazing job with special effects.

I keep it simple with just a webcam and sharing 2 minute messages, but I try and make sure my house background is pretty and that I'm sporting a fun, new look, whether it be my wig phase or colorful clothing.

I was curious to see what my most popular videos have been. I've done 50+ so far, and here is a snapshot of popularity:

I'm Shaving My Head: 47,000 views
I Shaved My Head: 16,000 views
Hairy Armpits on a Woman: 30,000 views
Leaving for ideaCity: 3000 views
ideaCity Followup: 5000 views
I Heart Bisexual Men: 1700 views
Getting Out of Wig Phase: 1600
Pubic Hair on facebook incident: 1160

So it seems I accidentally stumbled upon two fetish markets - female shaved heads, and female hairy underarms. Nice! The comments on the videos are often hilarious. Did you know that if you shave your head, you must be a lesbian? And ladies, there are A LOT of men out there who love hairy underarms!

One thing that has really pissed me off is the fact that I've made four videos featuring sex toys, and they have all been removed for being inappropriate. All I did was talk about the toys, not give a demo, sheesh! I don't think there's anything inappropriate about educating adults about adult toys. And yeah, it's frustrating that there are thousands of videos out there that are way more raw dog.

It's so funny that even after I've done so many of these, I still get nervous when the webcam light goes on. I feel on the spot and unnatural, even though I'm an exhibitionist! I guess I'm most comfortably typing away, which was all I could do for years when I wasn't able to associate my face and name to my ideas.

I'm so grateful for all these platforms for sharing my message. I wonder how The Beautiful Kind will continue to evolve in 2012. I hope my laptop keeps working; I sure use the fuck out of it, even more than my Hitachi Magic Wand! It's a good thing WebMaster is on board, because I'm a technodork!

This year was the fourth time we've been to the cabin, and it flew by faster than ever. The day after we returned I was really grumpy, suffering from cabin drop and feeling very put out that I had to take care of all the necessary duties and resposibilities instead of lying around all tied up in front of the fire sticking ginger up my ass.

Excuse me?

Every year we enjoy all the favorite traditions (watching Westerns, building fires, stargazing, listening to Iron & Wine, wearing pajamas or nothing the entire time), but we also like to incorporate something new into our repertoire.

Lately I've been on a ginger kick. I love theme events, so I packed a bunch of ginger goodies: tea, men, liqueur, soda, and of course, the root itself.

I was determined to drink the entire bottle of The Big O ("there's nothing fake about it" ) that weekend (we all have our goals), but I couldn't quite get there. It started leaving a sickly sweet mossy film on my teeth that no amount of brushing could remove from my ginger-spiced psyche.

We also brought along this awesome vulva ornament our dear friend Rockabilly Girl gave us to hang above the fireplace:

Speaking of the fire, we had one blazing all weekend long, from the moment we crossed over the threshhold until the moment we regretfully stepped off the front porch to take our leave:

I loved how my signature K pendant glowed in the firelight:

Five minutes after the fire was blazing merry and bright, I stripped off a few layers and stood in front of Matthew in a tight tank top and boy shorts, a look he can never resist, so he pawed me and bent me over and we fucked as a necessary course of action.

Then we got in the hot tub and watched movies and ate a bunch of good shit and fucked again and so on until it was dark out and we stepped outside and were stunned to see the brilliant country starry night

WOW

The sky I normally see in the city:

The sky I saw out in the magical countryside, where humans interfered less with nature:

Like heaven, the cabin is a timeless experience. At one point, I was sitting by the crackling fire, wrapped in an ultra-soft blanket, sipping spiked apple cider and writing my holiday cards while Matthew snored nearby like a living, bearskin rug. Despite the appearance of my horrible unromantic handwriting, I was filled with woodsmoke, love and gratitude.

Then there was the ginger experiment.

Here is a closeup of the ginger I selected - doesn't it resemble a bear fetus?

Next to the fire, he lovingly and firmly tied me down and slowly peeled the ginger, paring it down with a razor sharp knife until it was smooth, skinless and gleaming. We had read about figging, aka raw ginger root up the ass, and I was nervous. It was supposed to be extremely intense for about 20 minutes, causing a person to writhe and lose their mind, with no lasting damage.

But it didn't do much for me. My asshole is such an uncooperative asshole!

We even put a slice of ginger on my clit, to no effect. But it made me taste interesting, so there's that.

Flogging - figging - knifeplay - being mindfucked and used - "you can create good memories here."

After it was all said and done, I would have rather played with a woman named Ginger than the root; it didn't do much for me. I'm willing to try again sometime with another piece, but I'm thinking redheaded women are more the way to go.

Can't wait for the cabin again. Not sure I can go another year, but we have a few other adventures to knock out between now and then - the Bourbon Trail in Kentucky, Dancing Rabbit, and more...

We disappear here.

Matthew and I go to the cabin every December, and about two months prior, we start getting CABIN FEVER.

A couple days ago, he texted me: "I hope each morning, you're opening the Cabin Advent Calendar in your head."

I sure am! Do you want a peek inside? Open each little window and it will reveal:

Maker's Mark
truck
drunk
gluttony
lust
orgasms
smoke
bourbon cake
weed
hot tub
robes
fireplace
massage oil

Beard.

cum

country music
cabin playlist - example!
old traditions
new ideas
movies
heat
anal
love
warmth
cock
sex-scented beard
fantasy
roleplay
escape
sleep
connection
spanking
squrim
scream
pain
tears
us
timeless

yes

yes

yes

...

..

.

PayPal had me bent over

Exactly one year ago, PayPal suspended my account right in the middle of my legal defense fundraising drive. They fucked my world up for 48 hours.

So I am absolutely delighted to see them get roasted alive by Regretsy. Watching the story unfold is like unwrapping a belated holiday gift.

The first annoucement hit, and it was heard around the country!

Then the coverage started up, like this article from MSNBC.

The latest update reported that PayPal APOLOGIZED for their error! That's unheard of! They think they are a monarchy that can do no wrong and can get away with anything.

But, they're not, and they can't.

They are THE GRINCH. They are BULLIES.

And they bullied me hardcore one year ago, right as I was on my way to my annual cabin retreat.

And next week I go back to the cabin, my custody battle resolved, PayPal avenged, my life on track. I'm in such a different place one year later!

Here is why they suspended my account:

I had a Donate button on my website for about a year when, back in April 2010, a few days before I got fired from my job for having this website. PayPal notified me that my account was suspended for six months because I violated their policy, which states that they do not conduct business with websites that have adult content. I could withdraw the money in my account, but that was it, no more.

I was stunned. I understood their policy, but what about the THOUSANDS OF SEX BLOGS AND SEX WEBSITES THAT HAVE PAYPAL? It's similar to how youtube yanks any video I do that shows a sex toy, no matter how innocuous, amidst the thousands of videos posted like these. So frustrating and unfair!

I didn't make a fuss over it then, because technically I did violate their policy, so I sucked it up and moved on. For months I tried finding an alternative to PayPal, but came up short, which made my financial situation even worse.

After six months, I tried getting my account back, but it's impossible to reach anyone at PayPal and I kept hitting a dead end.

So, I opened a new PayPal account.

This time I put it over on my very non-adult, non-sexy business website. I figured it would be safe there. I was not violating their policy.

I was SO glad to have it in place for my legal defense fund. I felt safe, secure.

Then, en route to our annual cabin weekend getaway, I was horrified to receive an email from PayPal on my phone:

We are notifying you that, after a recent review of your account, it has been determined that you are linked to another PayPal account that has violated PayPal's Acceptable Use Policy. Therefore, your account has been permanently limited.

When PayPal permanently limits an account due to an Acceptable Use Policy violation, we may hold your funds up to 180 days. Once the 180-day timeframe has elapsed, PayPal will release any remaining balance either via bank transfer or issuance of a check.

The ordeal was SO traumatic for me. I wailed like a baby, "Why does it have to be so hard?! I'm not doing anything wrong! I'm trying to make things better!"

My partner talked me down off the ledge, assuring me it would all work out, we would figure it out.

I was inconsolable for several hours, completely distraught. We arrived at the cabin, but my mindset was fucked.

He was so good to me, so patient. He made me drinks, built a fire, soothed me, loved me.

I was so tormented. I dozed off and had bad dreams that I was sabotaged - my daughter was missing, my laptop was replaced with a bomb, my wallet was stolen...

Take that, PayPal! Thank you, Regretsy!

I woke crying in his arms, and he gently made love to me. "You trust me, right?" he murmured in my ear. "It will be all right..."

The next day I was able to break free of the funk and enjoy myself. We hot tubbed, roleplayed, ate, drank and were merry, and tested out new toys. We filmed a couple toy reviews (the pic above is me about to get the paddle!)

He gave me a good assfucking, which felt right in line with the theme of the week - first I was assfucked by my ex-husband, then PayPal. Let me tell you - getting assfucked on your own terms is SOO much better.

My friends heard my cries of distress and generously mailed donations the old-fashioned way, to my PO Box.

For six months, PayPal held $670 hostage. I was finally able to withdraw it in June. Later, I created a GiveForward campaign, which was very successful. They were wonderful to work with, very kind, helpful and understanding.

PayPal still has my account held in perpetual hostage. Because it is permanently suspended, I am not allowed to close it.

My friend just closed her account, saying, "I cancelled my PayPal account earlier this week as a result of this situation. Did you know that it's about a 7-8 step process just to cancel? How many different ways of 'Are you sure you want to cancel' does a person need to read? Bunch of jerks!"

Word to the wise: Close your account while you still can! They can have my stinkin' account. I don't need it.

Meanwhile, I'll be kicking back at the cabin, making a toast to Regretsy and having lots of great sex. Regretsy may have stood up for the children in need, but as far as I'm concerned, they also took a stand for me and everyone else PayPal has treated unfairly.

And that is a priceless gift.