Kinky Romance Writer: An Interview with Kilt Kilpatrick

Don't you hate when a friend asks you to read their stories and you do, and their writing isn't very good? Don't you hate when a friend asks you to read their stories and you avoid it for months because you assume a man who writes romance stories about zombies can't pull it off? Don't you hate when you finally do read his stories and you feel like a jerk because your assumptions were totally wrong?

Yeah, that happened to me.

My friend Kilt Kilpatrick writes fantastically weird erotic stories that feature vampires, gingerbread houses, forced homosexuality, and more. I highly encourage you to check his work out. But first, let's take a peek under his kilt and see what makes him unique in the world of romance writing! (See also the accompanying photo gallery featuring more pics of Kilt and his stories.)

Q. Tell me about your pen name.

A. I knew the first name had to be “Kilt.” I’m known for wearing them, and it’s just a fun, catchy, celtic (and sexy!) nickname. To make it easy to remember, I went with another K name for the surname. I figured readers would find me by thinking “It was Kilt K-something...). Beside, I think “Kilt Kilpatrick” has a nice ring to it...

Q. What's a nice man like you doing writing creative smut like this?

A. It’s all my girlfriend Dana’s fault. I wrote a short story to her for Valentine’s Day, and without telling me - sneaky minx! - she submitted it to her publishers and asked “say, what do you think of THIS guy?” They loved it and I’ve been writing erotica for them ever since...

Q. Where can readers find more information and buy the ebook?

A. I’m very proud to tell you UNDER THE KILT just won a Best Paranormal Romance of 2011 award from The Romance Reviews - woo hoo! It’s currently only out in e-book form; you can get it here.

Q. My favorite story was the one featuring the tiger. Have you been to India?

A. No, but I love you for asking! I strive to do as much research as it takes to bring each story to life and make it ring true. “The Tiger’s Tale” is one of my favorite stories, too. I had a great time researching the period, and I was really delighted how lush and moving the language was. I’m very proud of it. It’s so beautiful; even I get choked up when I read it now. I think it would make such a great movie, don’t you? If Merchant-Ivory productions did NC-17 films, it would be a perfect fit!

Q. Personally, I think kilts are sexy, and obviously you do, too.

A. I have four of them at home, including a Braveheart-style Greatkilt that I used to wear back in my Renn Faire days. I wear them pretty much any time I have an excuse.

Q. I don't, however, think zombies are sexy. Why the hell would you write about zombie sex?

A. I don't write about sex WITH zombies (eeew!) - I write about sex during zombie apocalypses - very different! You know, I totally understand that a zombie apocalypse isn’t the most obvious choice for an erotic story, and yet somehow there’s two very different zombie stories in UNDER THE KILT - and I love them both. One, “Last Times at Ridgemont High,” is a zom-rom-com (zombie romantic comedy, of course) and the other, “Love Bites: A Survival Guide, is sort of a gothic horror/erotic romance. It’s been called surprisingly haunting and beautiful, which pleases me. Again, I blame Dana. She loved zombies long before they were cool, and now she’s got a zombie trilogy (think Buffy the Vampire Slayer meets The Walking Dead) coming out next year from Titan Books; the first book is PLAGUE TOWN. Very cool stuff!

Q. The story you wrote about the wicked woman who seduces two wholesome Mormon boys was shocking! Holy shit, the things she made them do...

A. That was a VERY fun story to write! The main character, Sabrina, is such a hoot, and I loved her take on Mormon doctrine. You just gotta love the Mormons, don’t you? I wrote this right after “The Tiger’s Tale;” and it was so easy to write when I didn’t have to worry about writing in heightened Victorian language.

Q. Are you bisexual? How do you know about the things you write about?

A. Aren’t all San Franciscans? Actually, one of the things I’m most proud of is that readers assume I’m a lesbian, or a gay man, or a straight girl, or whatever the orientation of the main character happens to be. Being a writer is a lot like being an actor that way: both skills involve getting into the head of the character. And besides, I do love to do research...

Q. What inspired you to write a dirty version of the Hansel and Gretel fairy tale?

A. Wasn’t that a fun read? I had in mind the “Fractured Fairy Tales” from the old Rocky & Bullwinkle Show; they would always do these crazy post-modern takes on Aesop’s fables or old fairy tales - great stuff. And I’ve always loved Udo Kier’s accent - his voice is so silky and Teutonic. So the thought of doing a story narrated by him Honestly, for me the inspiration for stories usually starts with a call for submission from the publishers. They’ll come up with a theme for a short story collection, and some will resonate with you, some won’t. Sometimes I’ll get inspired by a random thought, and find I can start building a story around it, and then it grows from there - “Love Bites: A Survivor’s Guide” began like that: What would a vampire do in a world full of zombies?

Q. Is forced homosexuality a popular fantasy? I think men are afraid to admit how attracted to penises they are - their own and others.

A. I think most straight guys are secretly terrified at the thought they might be gay, and so a male/male story were the hero is taken against his will relieves them of responsibility for being aroused. It’s interesting; there was a study where they questioned men about their attitudes towards homosexuality, attached some electrodes and then showed them gay porn. Here’s a shocker: overwhelmingly, they found that the ones who scored the highest for homophobia were also the ones most aroused by the man-on-man porn...go figure...

Q. As a submissive woman it's refreshing to read all these strong dom female characters. What women inspire you?

A. Oh, there’s so many awesome, vibrant women out there that embrace their sexuality with joy and a sense of fun and adventure, whatever their particular orientation, preferences, sub/dom status, and/or kinks are. My female characters are drawn from a lot of the women in my life. I love them all.